Memento - A Picture Tells A Thousand Words

Fears and Frustrations

I will bury my head if I were an ostrich

Headless
(Lake Geneva, Switzerland, My Last Day)

Fears and Frustrations

As a child my biggest fear was the fear for taking a risk and then losing. Growing up, it became apparent that the fear lingered. There were times that I shun spelling bee contests or deliberately absented myself during basketball intramurals even with full knowledge that I can do well in both. I made myself scarce in childhood playgrounds not wanting to join in for fear of being part of the losing team. It wasn’t being competitive, but it was more of ensuring a 100% winning record. That time, there were fewer frustrations, as I never really risked.

The question of whether to risk or not, was answered by another question, “Would it be worth it?” In retrospect, I have overcome the same fear by simply doing the opposite. I stared fear straight in the face. Fear blinked. I started to join in the fray and started collecting my share of losing. The exercise of accepting loss did not anymore lead to frustration. Eventually I enjoyed getting down, dusting my knees and picking myself up, in time to recover and run again.

The last two years apart was another exercise of losing time from each other. The question of tending to the software business or joining my wife in Switzerland was a tug-o-war of ideas. In hindsight, the experience totally compensated the risks. Knowing fully well that any disappointment in life will not break me, I face more frustrations in the future with the acceptance that from the very start, I wouldn’t be tested far beyond what I cannot endure.

Fear is gone. Frustrations are also welcome.

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